Starbucks Etiquette for Dummies

Alright, I will be the first to admit that this post may be fuelled by my passive aggressive feelings towards everyone surrounding me currently. But, nonetheless, after spending three/four afternoons a week in Starbucks for the past six months I feel like I have earned the right to comment on the behaviour of my fellow coffee-loving, laptop-wielding, studious companions.

As a disclaimer I should say that for the most part I have had nothing but pleasant interactions with the people who occupy the second floor of the Starbucks in Brighton, but seriously, there are some people who were never meant to be in public unsupervised.

So, without further adieu, here are my top tips on how to survive in a Starbucks:

1. Don’t Arrive with Uncharged Devices:

I totally understand that after a couple of hours you may need to charge your laptop, but if you arrive with zero percent and expect everyone sitting around you to accommodate your every demand then you have another thing coming. Last week I patiently waited to get a table near a plug-in for about three hours and within five minutes of being there a man walked up to me and said “I am just going to unplug yours for a minute, my laptop is seriously dead.” To be honest I don’t care how “seriously dead” your laptop is, get in line.

2. Headphones are Necessary:

Okay, this should be second nature. We all listen to music/watch videos and we all know that the people around us probably do not want to hear every lyric of Kanye West’s new single. Yet, every time I am studying at some point I am bombarded with some sort of noise that should be confined to headphones.
A couple of months ago I was reading my French textbook and had to compete within my mind against the sound of a grandmother FaceTiming her grandchildren. For two hours. Right next to me. Honestly, if you are going to have the technology, no matter what age you are, know how to use it wisely. As we all learned from Spiderman “with great power comes great responsibility.”

3. Respect the Environment of the People Surrounding You:

This rule applies to a variety of situations, but within Starbucks I feel like it is somehow magnified and exaggerated a million times. Throughout the day in a typical Starbucks you will have rushes of business and lulls of quiet concentrated silence. I am completely fine with either environment, but what drives me crazy is people who cannot gauge their surroundings and subsequently act in similarity.
For example, if the room is quiet and you come in screaming with laughter with your friends then you should be prepared for all the looks of pure hate you will receive. Obviously, the people surrounding you are not going to want to hear every little detail of your wild night out and how Marcus never called you back the next morning. Realize that the people around you have respected the current setting and you should too.
On the other end of the spectrum, if the room is bustling and filled with lively conversation and you are trying to get your PhD outline done, then maybe you have picked the wrong time of day or the wrong location to attempt to finish your task. You cannot angrily hush and glare at your fellow coffee drinkers just because you want to.
Assess the environment, and act accordingly.

4. Know What You Want to Order Before You Arrive at the Till:

Does this even need an explanation? If you are new to Starbucks take a step back, read the menu and then approach when you have come to a decision.
Secondly, if you are ordering something for a friend, do not attempt to order without clarifying what it is they want. I have been stuck behind so many people who are on the phone with someone who is clearly still trying to decide between a Grande non-fat Mocha Frappuccino with extra chocolate sauce and a Venti upside down Caramel Macchiatto with extra ice and soy milk.
Know what you want, then get in line.

4b. Have Your Payment Method Prepared Before You Arrive at the Till:

To follow up on that last point, have your money ready. It is crazy how many times people will get to the till without having checked if they have their wallet, or they spend way too long searching around their bag for that last quarter.
So to conclude, know your order, have a payment method ready, then approach the counter.

5. Starbucks is Not Your Personal Photoshoot Location:

I am not sure if this is just in Brighton, or if it a world-wide epidemic of Snapchatting, Instagraming youths.
I cannot even begin to tell you the number of times I have been in the background of a “cute Starbucks selfie!” Last week a group of eight teenagers sat next to me and proceeded to take about 100 photos over a 20 minute period; all in varying positions, with different facial expressions and each time erupting into laughter about how great each was.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the world of Snapchat and Instagram, but if you are doing it to the extent that you are disrupting those around you for extended periods of time then I think it is time to put down the phone.

More than anything, I think this post served as some form of therapy for me. I promise I am not this angry or un-fun in real life, but after witnessing these atrocities week after week I needed to say something.

Happy Weekend to you all! And don’t forget, Starbucks is a privilege not a right.